Toad Hermit
by LightningHunter
Summary: Gamabunta realised Yondaime's last wish would not be accepted by the villagers, and so gave the baby Naruto to befriend toads, summoned or not. COMPLETELY RE-WRITTEN, IF YOU READ IT ONCE, READ IT AGAIN!
1. Inner Toad

Hey. LightningHunter's re-written the first three chapters.

Well, Gamasenshi calls Naruto "Captain" this time round.

* * *

Chapter I: Inner Toad

The Yondaime Hokage, Namikaze Minato, staggered back from the jutsu he had just performed. The Kyuubi had been sealed into a newborn child, _his_ child.

**"You may have five minutes mortal, and nothing else!"** said the voice of Shinigami.

"Gamabunta...to the hospital...I want to see Naruto and Sarutobi...one last time."

**"I'll miss you as well, blondie,"** said Gamabunta, and with a few bounds, was by the hospital. He stopped by a certain ward, and the Yondaime entered through the window, meeting Sarutobi, the baby Naruto in his arms.

"Minato...but...you're alive...! But that jutsu-!"

"He gave me a couple of minutes," answered Minato hastily. "...Sandaime, I want my son to be seen as much a hero as I will probably be seen. That's my only request. Okay."

"I will inform the council. Your last words won't be forgotten."

Gamabunta idly blew a stream of smoke from his mouth. **"It won't work. Humans aren't that sensible. The boy will be alone, and you know it."**

"You can't be serious," said Minato, before he gave a hacking cough.

**"You have too much faith in people."**

"Why do you tell me this?" asked the Yondaime.

**"Because...because...Jiraiya thought it was that kid he met in Rain, but...something tells me, that this boy will change the world as we know it. And the toads will always be with him."**

And with Gamabunta's oath for his people, a sudden glow appeared around him, which flowed to the newborn.

"Ribbit," croaked Naruto, before falling asleep again.

"What- what was that?"

"**The toads are his friends now," **said Gamabunta solemnly.

"...Cool," said Minato, a slight grin on his face, before he took Naruto from Sarutobi. "I'm sorry for what I did. Your mother would never forgive me, but please, Naruto, could you?" His sigh was long. "Goodbye...son."

The Yondaime choked again, before quickly handing Naruto back to the Sandaime. He staggered to the window, and collapsed, as his soul flowed away, into the mouth of the Shinigami. Gamabunta disappeared, with his summoner dead.

Sarutobi summoned some ninja to take away the body of the former Hokage for his funeral, and meanwhile, he took Naruto to address the village.

* * *

Twelve years have passed since the fall of the Yondaime, and the sealing of the Kyuubi. Konohagakure slowly recovered from the death and destruction, and the village was now its normal, calming, cheery place.

Calming...as of ten minutes ago.

"Naruto!" screamed a chunnin, chasing the hooligan. "You won't get away with this!"

"Get back here, you little brat!" shouted another, also in the chase.

"Sorry guys, but just 'cause you're jealous doesn't mean you can catch me!" shouted the hyperactive blonde, wheeling around to display the well-known middle finger salute at his pursuers. "Right Gamasenshi!"

The toad perched on Naruto's head croaked at him, but Naruto could understand him perfectly.

_"Damn straight captain!" _

The chuunin duo came back to the ground level, after chasing the boy across the rooftops. They sprinted past a few fences...only for Naruto to reveal that he was hiding himself there as they missed him.

"Heh, losers or what?!" said Naruto. "Hell, no one's good enough to find me! Heck, I'm invincible!"

"Surprise, Naruto." A hand clamped down onto Naruto's shoulders, and the boy turned to see his instructor, Iruka standing there, looking very annoyed.

"Oh, uh, what a surprise to see you, Iruka-sensei," said Naruto, desperately trying to search through his mind to find some excuse. And speaking of his mind, he didn't know he thought of ramen that much.

"Back to the academy," said Iruka, dragging a protesting Naruto along, while the traitorous toad Gamasenshi actually had the audacity to chortle at him.

Once they had arrived back in their classroom at the Academy, Iruka, once again proved why every single student hated teachers, by punishing the entire class for one student's actions.

Namely, he forced them all to do a Transformation Test, causing all students to groan as they got to the front of the class in an "orderly" line.

"This is your fault, toad boy," said Ino.

"...Ino, look, Sasuke's going to make out with Sakura," replied Naruto boredly.

"What!? Where?! How dare she?! How dare he?!" Ino started screeching.

"Ino!" barked Iruka. "Detention afterschool!"

"Damn you..." muttered Ino, directing her comment at both Iruka and Naruto.

"This is so troublesome..." grumbled the lazy Shikamaru.

"Naruto, your turn!" commanded Iruka.

Naruto wondered about whether Iruka should be a military instructor, the way he barked his orders. He cracked a grin at the thought of Iruka wearing khaki and a helmet, shouting: "Drop and give me twenty!"

"Naruto, I said it's your turn!"

"What? Oh yeah, yeah..."

There was suddenly a great cloud of smoke, that didn't dissipate.

"Holy..." 'Please don't let him explode, please don't let him explode!' prayed Iruka.

The smoke began to clear away...to reveal a very attractive and very naked blonde girl, who seductively blew a kiss at Iruka.

"Gah!" Iruka, blood dripping from his nose, flew backwards into his own desk.

"Iruka-sensei, I didn't know you were a pervert! What kind of example are you setting for the children!"

"Stop making stupid techniques!"

* * *

The next day, the academy students were going through their genin examinations. Naruto, being second-last in the register, was about to finish his test.

Sadly for him, it was the Clone Jutsu, something he was hopeless at, due to the fact his chakra was simply too uncontrolled.

At the end of the day, Naruto was simply brooding- in a manner he had actually copied from Sasuke- on his swing, while his toad tried to cheer him up.

_"Come on captain, something will turn up!"_

"No it won't..."

"Naruto," said a voice, and Naruto glanced up to see Mizuki.

"Hey..." he greeted dully.

"Look Naruto, don't blame Iruka. He was just trying to watch out for you. After all, he can't send an unprepared person into the big world out there."

"Yeah..." said Naruto, privately not agreeing.

"...how about I tell you the secondary way of passing the test?"

"There's a secondary way?!" said Naruto, jumping up.

_"Hah, I told ya something would turn up!"_

"Okay… this is what you do."

* * *

After seeking a forbidden scroll, Naruto proceeded to learn the Shadow Clone Jutsu. However, Iruka then arrived, revealing that Mizuki had lied, and the treacherous teacher Mizuki suddenly arrived, who then revealed that Naruto was the container of the Kyuubi- well, actually he said that it had been sealed in Naruto, thus making Naruto the Kyuubi. Iruka then took a giant shuriken to the back for Naruto, before eventually settling down with Mizuki for the final showdown...

Sadly, Iruka was about to be killed, due to the fact he was injured.

And Mizuki was still taking his time to explain how Naruto was a demon.

"You're right...that's what monsters do," said Iruka.

Naruto's head sank. Iruka...didn't care about him? Iruka thought he was a demon?

"But not Naruto."

Naruto's head shot up as quickly as it had gone down.

"He's not a monster. He's no demon. He's Uzumaki Naruto, of Konohagakure. At one day, he'll be Uzumaki Naruto, Hokage!"

Naruto and Gamasenshi were sobbing with happiness. It was beautiful...yet somewhat ...corny, for lack of a better word.

"You know, I was gonna kill you after the little demon, but you're just annoying me! Die!" yelled Mizuki, charging with his oversized shuriken.

"Stay away, dumbass!" shouted Naruto, appearing in front of Mizuki, and kicked him in the jaw.

Mizuki fell back, before quickly standing, rubbing his jaw slightly. "That was a lucky shot! Now you're here, I'll take the scroll, and kill all three of you!"

"Anything you to do to Iruka-sensei or Gamasenshi… I'll pay back a thousand fold!"

"Oh yeah? Show me what you can do, Kyuubi!"

"Mass Shadow Clone Jutsu!"

Mizuki gulped, as he saw the thousand Narutos surround him.

"Well, if you're not going to attack..." shouted a Naruto.

"We'll go first!"

Mizuki's screams were heard far and wide.

Dawn broke, and a single Naruto stood over a battered up Mizuki.

"Okay, maybe I overdid it...heheheheh..." said Naruto, scratching the back of his head nervously.

"Hey...Naruto, come over here," called Iruka, and he waited for Naruto to approach. "I want to give you something. Close your eyes."

Naruto did so, feeling something like his goggles being pulled off his head and something placed there.

"Okay, open."

Naruto opened his eyes, to see Iruka without his forehead protector. He immediately raised his hand to his brow, feeling the metal of the Konoha headband.

"Congratulations!" said Iruka, giving him a thumbs-up. "You graduate! I'm supposed to give you a really boring and long lecture at this point, but screw that, let's get some ramen!"

* * *

Since Naruto's class was graduating, there was no need for them to be in the Academy the entire day. As it were, their teams would be told to them in the late morning, they could do things like sleep in, or in Naruto's case...

"Holy-!" Naruto gazed at the remains of his precious jumpsuit. It was horribly mauled, and he realised it hadn't been such a good idea to try taunting those dogs with meat from his ramen.

_"Yo, captain!"_ croaked Gamasenshi. _"Wear __**the**__ outfit."_

"But that's only for nightly pranks!" protested Naruto. "If I wear that, everyone will know that the "Nightmare's Terror" is me!"

_"Yeah, about that captain...since it has orange and toads on it, who else could it be? They always knew, I just lied to make you feel better about it."_

"Damn you!" cursed Naruto, as he changed out of his mauled outfit into the "Nightmare's Terror".

First, a black undershirt, that covered every last inch of his torso, even covering up to his fingers, to the top of his neck. Over it, he wore a sleeveless orange shirt, with the Toad kanji on the back, and a cartoon green toad on the front. Finally, the standard ninja pants, in black.

He usually wore a burglar mask as part of his "Nightmare's Terror" disguise, but seeing as the disguise didn't work, it was probably pointless, and so he chucked the mask straight into the bin.

"Ready Gamasenshi!" said Naruto, locking his front door and climbing to a rooftop.

'_Ludicrous Speed_!' shouted the toad.

Naruto went like he had been fired from a cannon, practically firing himself from rooftop to rooftop. It wasn't long before he was close to the Academy...but wasn't stopping.

* * *

"Okay, class," said Iruka, picking up his trusty clipboard. "I- What was that?" He said, after hearing a strange noise.

Suddenly, an orange-yellow blur burst through the window, landing with a crash on a desk.

To be precise, Kiba's desk.

_"Bring it on, you little crazy mutt!"_ shouted Gamasenshi at Akamaru. _"I'm the frickin Kung Fu Toad!"_

_"You will not defeat me this time! I am here to claim my family's honour! For I am...the Honourable Dog!"_ yelled Akamaru.

_"Yeah, bring it on! I'll kick you like when I kicked your father in his scrotum!" _replied Gamasenshi.

The two began grappling, and Naruto and Kiba pulled them apart, Naruto climbing off the desk as well, before taking a seat on the same desk as Sasuke, only not next to him.

"Eh? Naruto, what are you doing here? This is for people who passed," said Shikamaru from behind him.

"Look at the headband," said Naruto cheerfully, before he flashed his middle finger at the lazy Nara.

"Troublesome..."

Suddenly, a troop of girls flew through the door, suddenly surrounding Naruto's desk...oh wait, it was Sasuke's desk to them. Bloody fangirls. They wouldn't take notice of Naruto unless they thought of him in yaoi scenes with Sasuke.

Naruto shuddered at the very thought, and every other straight male in the class did so, sensing the horror of yaoi scenes.

Strangely enough, a certain individual named Gai suddenly announced that he had thought of something _particularly_ "youthful."

And the fan-girls were bickering...

"I'll sit next to Sasuke-kun!"

"No I will!"

"I will!"

"Tramp!"

"Bitch!"

"Cow!"

"Ugly wh-"

"For the love of Kami, how about the lot of you rearrange this phrase and apply it to yourselves: "UP... SHUT"!" screamed Naruto.

"You bas- eh? What's up with that stupid cartoon toad, toad boy?" said Ino. "You should stick with...the black shirt," she said, poking the dark fabric on his arm. "Oh, wait. This is your Nightmare's Terror outfit."

"Hey, stop that," complained Naruto, annoyed with the...poking.

"But you look good," protested Ino. "I could just imagine you and Sasuke-kun-"

The fangirls suddenly stopped with dreamy looks in their eyes and giggled, as Naruto was on the verge of throwing up...as was every other straight male in the room.

And even more strangely enough, that certain individual named Gai suddenly gathered his team in a group hug, claiming it was the "youthfulness" of the moment.

Creepy...

"And Team 7, Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura and Uchiha Sasuke."

"No!" shouted Sakura, standing up. "Iruka-sensei, why do Sasuke-kun and me have to be held back because of this stupid toad boy Naruto? He didn't even graduate!"

Iruka grinned inwardly, before stating: "Well, Sakura, Naruto was able to learn a jounin-level technique in under an hour, and defeated a renegade ninja, all yesterday, and I decided he was more than qualified to be a Genin. So, really, I hope you and Sasuke aren't holding Naruto back."

The class sat silent for a full thirty seconds, setting a record never seen before in the Academy, second of course, to back in old '83, when the students never showed up, thus making the Academy the quietest it had ever been.

'The hell?' thought Sasuke. 'The dead-last...? Hmm...I'll see how strong he actually is...'

Iruka then finished rattling on about the other teams, and then the students swarmed out of their class, eager for lunch.

Sakura-and just about every other girl in the class- was about to approach Sasuke and ask him to have lunch with her, when the class noticed Sasuke move towards Naruto.

"You. Dead-last," said Sasuke, arrogant superiority in every tone. "Fight me."

"Eh? Why?"

"Because I want to see whether it was true that you could defeat a renegade ninja," said Sasuke.

"Two rules then," said Naruto. "One, taijutsu only. Two, no killing or permanent damage. Deal?"

"Deal."

The two faced off, waiting for the wind to blow so they could have a properly traditional fight.

"Hey, Gamasenshi, is it time to use _that_ style?"

"_Yeah captain, beat his ass, then I'll beat that little mutt's ass..."_ Gamasenshi trailed off, glaring at Akamaru, who growled back.

Naruto changed his stance out of what had been a cross between the Academy stance and a basic street brawler, to what looked like a crouching stance.

"I know you like toads, and maybe can talk to them, but this is just ridiculous," said Sasuke. "Toad taijutsu? Guess you really are a toad boy."

Naruto leapt forward, a powerful kick landing on Sasuke's chest, sending the Uchiha into the fence.

"You're gonna lose, especially if you underestimate me," said Naruto, cracking his fist in his most menacing manner.

"I needed a new training log anyway...this is perfect," said Sasuke, also changing his stance.

"That style? It'd work better if you had your kekkai genkai, hmm?"

The two commenced their battle, clashing, Naruto using powerful kicks and swipes with his hands, and Sasuke was punching and kicking, but his kicks could not stand up to Naruto's.

Eventually the two broke away, panting.

"So...your "Toad Taijutsu" is able to equal the Uchiha style...you invented this?" demanded Sasuke.

"Hey, Gamasenshi helped me with it... and although it's incomplete, I suppose yours is as well, since you can't use your bloodline. But now...let's end this..."

The two leapt at each other, their fists held back ready to strike...


	2. The Bell Test

Chapter 2 Rewritten

* * *

Chapter II: Bell Test

The two leapt at each other, their fists held back ready to strike and…

And…

And…

And Naruto just quickly kicked Sasuke in the chest first and then punched him in the face, effectively knocking him into the wall of the Academy.

The Academy Students were shocked, but who wouldn't, seeing the top of the class beaten by the dead-last toad boy.

Sasuke picked himself out of the wall, coughing.

"Alright people, inside, your jounins should be here soon," said Iruka just arriving. "Uh… why did Naruto punch Sasuke into a wall?"

"We were sparring," said Naruto happily.

_"Damn right, and you kicked his fricken' ass, captain!"_ croaked Gamasenshi, before his eyes narrowed. _"Now, time to deal with that mutt..."_

Gamasenshi and Akamaru leapt at each other.

* * *

Several hours later, Team 7 were with their jounin sensei, on the roof of the academy, and Naruto(and Gamasenshi...and Sakura...and possibly Sasuke) was trying his hardest to restrain his laughter, as his sensei looked like a giant chicken, due to the fact he was tarred and feathered.

"_Some jounin if he couldn't avoid that, what'd you reckon, eh captain?"_

"That, or the trap was just frickin' awesome!" replied Naruto loudly... too loudly.

"A hint. Don't talk to your toad when other people are around...you look like a stupid...dead-last."

Naruto took on an expression of comical shock, claiming he had been shocked by Sasuke actually giving a hint to someone, and he recommended he should be taken to a hospital and have his heart checked. This idea was stopped by Sakura's left hook, and Kakashi's idea to check Naruto's heart using acupuncture...with kunai...rusty kunai...rusty kunai with explosive tags, and then tarring and feathering him.

"Okay," said Kakashi, trying as hard as possible to suppress his overwhelming anger, "Introduce yourselves, names, likes, dislikes, hobbies, dreams for the future. Those sort of things."

"Can't you go first sensei?" asked Sakura.

"Well, I am Hatake Kakashi. I like and dislike many things. My dream… never really thought about it. My hobbies… well, I have a lot of hobbies. Okay, you next, pinky."

"I'm Haruno Sakura. I like (she glanced at Sasuke). My hobbies are (she glanced at Sasuke again). My dreams for the future (she gave an excited giggle)."

'Great, a girl who is more interested in boys than being a ninja,' thought Kakashi. "So, what do you dislike?"

"Toad-boys!"

"I am Uchiha Sasuke," Sasuke said, very menacingly. "I dislike many things, and I don't like...anything," he said, drawing out the last word for extra effort. "My dream- no, I call it ambition, because I will see it happen. I'm going to kill a certain someone and revive my clan."

'Kill someone?' thought Naruto. 'How much did I piss him off during that spar?'

'No surprises there,' thought the jounin.

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto. I like pulling pranks, toads and eating ramen. I dislike...prejudiced bastards, the three minutes it takes for ramen to cook, and snakes (_Toad-murdering bastards_, Gamasenshi muttered). My dream is to become Hokage, so I can prove I'm the strongest by protecting this village."

'Oh...interesting...' Kakashi mulled over Naruto's words, before he explained his little "test" for tomorrow, before he Body Flickered away.

"See you guys tomorrow!" said Naruto cheerfully, before he flung himself off the building.

"...So Sasuke-kun, since we're alone...want to go out or something?" asked Sakura hopefully.

"No," responded Sasuke flatly before he left.

* * *

The next day, the genin were hidden in the forest, all trying to think up plans to steal the bells away from the jounin. Sasuke was hidden in a tree, Sakura under bushes, while Naruto was...partly submerged in water, a lilypad on his head to hide himself.

"What should we do Gamasenshi?" whispered Naruto.

_"Just creep up behind him, and then we nick the bells captain!"_

Nicking the bells sounding awfully close to nicking the balls, and strangely enough, an individual called Gai "accidently" landed on top of his students.

Kakashi had been idly running, when he had the "pleasure" of a toad latching itself around his ankles. It stuck out its tongue and swiped a bell before it hopped off. It had been so unexpected...so random, that Kakashi didn't even realise what had just happened at first.

"Get back here!" he yelled, chasing- catching up with the toad.

Said toad in question had already handed over said bell to Naruto, and the two were now running away from the Hatake.

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei, I got a bell! You can't just-"

"Did I say I would just let you run off with the bells?!" interrupted Kakashi.

"Captain, tree approaching!"

Naruto however, was more concerned with escaping then paying attention to say, trees, and ran straight into one, his face flattened comically. Kakashi casually walked over and took the bell from Naruto's hand.

"Well, well, well. It seems that you Naruto, are the first person who's ever been able to get a bell from me," said Kakashi, peeling Naruto off the tree. "But, you got them the _wrong_ way."

"What the hell was that supposed to mean!?" yelled Naruto.

_"...Hmm, do you think it means something to do with that ninja statement, eh captain?"_

"What? Oh wait, you mean that whole "look underneath the underneath" thing." Naruto considered those words. "Although, logically, underneath the underneath is what is on top."

_"This isn't the first time I've had to listen to your logic captain, and once again, it's scaring me."_

Naruto turned to face Kakashi, getting into the opening stance of his "Toad Taijutsu," something that particularly interested Kakashi, who had copied numerous taijutsu styles, but never quite seen one like Naruto's...but surely, a twelve-year-old couldn't have made his own taijutsu style...or could he?

Naruto flipped forwards through the air, aiming an axe kick at Kakashi's head, but the jounin blocked with his hands. Naruto turned in mid-air, landing on the ground, sweep kicking with both feet, one after the other, but both were dodged, and then Naruto jumped again, going with a spinning kick and an uppercut.

Kakashi had avoided the attacks, with relative ease, yet he still was intrigued by Naruto's taijutsu. 'Sasuke isn't nearby...so..." Kakashi raised his headband, revealing the blood red eye of the Sharingan.

Surprise flashed across Naruto's face for an instant, before he vaulted over Kakashi, throwing a few shuriken while he was in the air, before he span in with another kick.

Kakashi flung himself back, shocked. The taijutsu style...was completely insane. The positions...the angles, from all those flips and jumps and kicks and crouches should have been tearing Naruto's muscles apart. Even double-jointed people couldn't do the same. And somehow, it had his Sharingan weakened, as Naruto could move into impossible positions, and the Sharingan was for predicting more regular movements.

As fascinating and stunning as it was, Kakashi had learnt all he needed to know by now, as well as being slightly bored, and covered his eye up again as he disappeared.

"Damn that son of a bitch," grumbled Naruto.

* * *

Sakura screamed and fainted as she saw, what appeared to be Sasuke dying.

"Damn, that was awful," said Kakashi. "I suppose academy standards have just sunk due to a lack of wars..."

* * *

Sasuke was rather angry to find himself buried to the neck. Suddenly a toad hopped over, kicked him in the face, and hopped away, realising it had seen something, or more precisely, discovered something after watching Sasuke's "fight" with Kakashi.

* * *

Naruto had been busy searching for Kakashi, but had been unsuccessful, and so eventually given up, and then attempted to swipe a lunch. Kakashi then decided to appear, and attempted to tie Naruto to a post. Naruto was able to evade Kakashi...for about five minutes.

The alarm went off.

"To put it plainly...I'd rather train eight-year-olds then you," said Kakashi, staring at a Naruto tied to the post, and Sasuke and Sakura sitting by his feet. "However, none of you are going to go back to the academy."

The team suddenly looked shocked, assuming somehow they had passed, but then Kakashi continued.

"You three will not be allowed to become ninja...ever."

The team looked even more shocked, and Sasuke rushed Kakashi, but then he found his head in the dirt.

"You three don't even understand what it means to be a ninja? Do you think it's a game?" He released Sasuke, and approached the black stone. "Did you look at this stone? This is the Memorial Stone. These names are all of ninja who are all heroes to this village. And they were all killed in action, protecting this village. The names of everyone close to me are engraved onto this stone. You three...never discovered the real meaning behind the test...and it was so basic. Teamwork!"

"Teamwork. Just working together?" said Sakura. "But wait, there was only two bells. That means-"

"I deliberately did so to pit you against one another."

"Wait! Wait, Kakashi-sensei, give us another chance!" yelled Naruto desperately.

"Well..." considered Kakashi. "I suppose Naruto got a bell, even though I took it back...fine, I'll give you three one more chance. Oh, and don't feed Naruto...or you all will automatically fail. I make the rules...and you follow them. Got it?"

Kakashi disappeared, and although it looked like he had gone far away, he was nearby, concealed in the trees.

Sasuke and Sakura started eating their lunches, and Gamasenshi tried to look pitiful and weak, earning himself some rice. Naruto grumbled, as his stomach did the same.

Sasuke sighed, before he offered his lunch.

"Sasuke-kun, we'll fail if you feed Naruto!" said Sakura urgently.

"If Naruto's hungry, he'll be weak and useless to the team. Kakashi isn't even here."

"Well..." Sakura also offered her lunch, before very reluctantly feeding Naruto.

"You!" shouted Kakashi, and the sky darkened, and a lightning bolt flew over the sky. Naturally, lightning hits the highest point of land, and a blast hit old Mount Hokage.

"Damn that bastard Kakashi," grumbled Sarutobi. That stupid bolt hit his stone head. Stone head as in the monument, not saying he had a stone head.

"Wait!" yelled Naruto. "They were just helping me, there's nothing wrong with that!"

"Nothing wrong?! You guys broke the rules- you know what that means? You guys are trash," said Kakashi sounding angry and making a good job of it too.

"Well, if people who break the rules are trash, those who abandon their friends are worse than trash!" yelled Naruto.

Kakashi froze for a second, but it happened so quickly that no one but a sharp-eyed toad saw it.

"That's your excuse? Well then… you guys pass."

"W-What? How do we pass?" asked Sakura.

"What Naruto said was true," said Kakashi, before turning around to face the Memorial Stone again. "Those who break the rules in the ninja world are trash, but those who abandon their friends… are even worse than trash. Meet me at the bridge at seven a.m. tomorrow for your first assignments."

Everyone began to walk back home...save of course, Naruto, was still tied up, yelling at someone to untie him.

Fortunately, he had an urge to start screaming "Believe it" and did so continuously, and eventually half the village were so peeved off that they untied him, although then they tried to have him tarred and feathered.

* * *

It was night, and after a dinner of instant ramen, Naruto pulled on his beaver-like sleeping cap and hopped into bed. Gamasenshi jumped onto a chair with several cushions on it, after first practising some kicks on a dummy styled to look like Akamaru.

_"Captain," _croaked Gamasenshi.

"Huh? What is it?"

_"Today I discovered something."_

"What?"

"_I can somehow see hand signs- and can do a good job memorising them too."_

"How did you discover that?" asked a genuinely interested Naruto.

_"I saw that Sasuke guy fighting your sensei. I saw him use this Fire Technique. I'll tell you the seals to it tomorrow."_

"How come you never noticed it before?"

Gamasenshi then did something that looked like he was shrugging his shoulders. _"Maybe my eyes weren't developed enough."_

"This is great! I'll be able to learn loads of jutsu like this!"

_"Tell me about it,"_ said Gamasenshi happily. _"And tomorrow, our ninja adventures properly began."_

"That's right! The Chronicles of Uzumaki Naruto and his trusty sidekick Gamasenshi have begun!"

_"That sounds over used," _said the toad knowledgeably. _"And what's this about a sidekick?"_

"Alright then… I once heard about this famous ninja called Jiraiya the Toad Hermit, or Toad Sage, or whatever! That'll do! Naruto the Toad Hermit!"

_"Now you didn't even mention me at all!"_


	3. Pervert and Waves

Here ya go, Chapter 3 re-written...oh yeah.

Gamasenshi doesn't learn to talk, and say goodbye to the Sharingan insane-ness

* * *

Chapter III: Pervert and Waves

"Alright!" yelled Naruto happily, running out of the mission room, "We get a decent mission!"

_"I wouldn't be so happy if I was you, Captain_," said Gamasenshi, gripping onto Naruto's hair.

Naruto stopped running, and took the toad of his head. "Gamasenshi, what do you mean?"

_"Did you see that old bridge builder? He looked kind of shaky, as if he was scared. I mean, the odds of bandits attacking you isn't that large… maybe there's something else, Captain."_

"You mean he's lying?"

_"I first thought he might be luring us into a trap, but that can't be an option- that man looks nothing like a shinobi. I think that this might be a high rank mission, and he can't afford it, Captain."_

"You mean a B-rank?!" asked Naruto, slightly worried.

_"Your sensei is stronger then he looks, you guys should be able to handle it Captain, but it might be a good idea to get some extra training. We've got a day before we leave, we should use it Captain."_

"Alright Gamasenshi! Let's go!"

The two ran on, and were running past a bathhouse when they saw a white-haired man being horribly beaten by some women. Judging by the women's state of dress- or more correctly, undress, the guy had been peeping at them. Eventually they stopped, and the man was left in a bloody heap.

"Hey old pervert, are you okay?" asked Naruto.

"Pervert! I'm not an ordinary pervert… I'm a super pervert!"

Naruto quickly took a few steps backwards.

"In fact, I'm the author of these books," said the man, pulling out an Icha Icha book.

"Wait, aren't those the perverted books Kakashi-sensei is always reading?!" asked Naruto.

_"You bet Captain."_

The man looked very confused with the toad's croaking.

"Brat, have you got a problem? You're talking to a toad…"

Naruto glared at him. "Perverted idiot, I can understand him!"

'He can understand toads,' thought the man. 'But then that would mean Gamabunta…'

"Hey brat, since you can understand toads, maybe you will recognise me. I am the famed Toad Hermit!" shouted the man, starting to do a little dance, before he was cut off.

Naruto snorted. "Yeah right, the Toad Hermit is a famous Sannin called Jiraiya. You're just some pervert!"

"So you want proof brat? Summoning Jutsu!" shouted Jiraiya, summoning a toad as big as a bear.

"Holy hell, he is the Toad Hermit!" said Naruto.

"That's right brat and-"

"I can't believe I admired a pervert like you."

_"Say it like it is Captain!"_

"Brat!" shouted a furious Jiraiya. "I could have let you signed the Toad Summoning Contract, but after that comment, no way!"

"Wait!"

"No! I've got to find a hot lady to look at then to waste my time with a brat like you!"

"You want a hot lady?! Sexy Jutsu!" shouted Naruto, before transforming into a naked blonde girl.

Jiraiya's eyes boggled so much it looked like they would burst out,.

"Wow brat! You're a genius! What do you call this again?!"

"It's my Sexy Jutsu… so will you train me?"

"On one condition…"

"What is that?"

"Stay in that form the whole time!"

Naruto was so furious he changed back and kicked Jiraiya in the jaw, sending him straight into a wall.

* * *

Later on in the day, Naruto had finally convinced Jiraiya to train him, and Naruto was now practising the jutsu.

"Summoning Jutsu!" shouted Naruto, summoning a toad the size of a horse.

"Good for a first try. Anyway, I'm sure you're aware of the furball in your stomach," said Jiraiya as the toad disappeared.

"Yeah Ero-sennin."

"Well, you realise if you could use its chakra, you'd be able to summon even bigger things. But I need to see your maximum. Focus all your chakra and summon."

Naruto closed his eyes, and suddenly, a great blue aura surrounded him, and he bit his thumb, before making several seals.

"Summoning Jutsu!"

The smoke cleared, and Jiraiya's jaw dropped. It hit the ground...before going into the ground, going about a metre underground, and Jiraiya started choking from the dirt in his mouth.

"So Gamasenshi, I think we did pretty well. What do you think?"

_"You rock Captain! This is the incredible and super-powerful Gamabunta, the Boss Toad!"_

"You sound like you idolise him."

_"Which toad wouldn't? I have a poster of him at home!"_

"Do you? I've never seen it…"

_"It's on the back of my chair Captain, and since it is near the wall, I doubt you would have noticed it."_

Gamabunta had been listening to this conversation, and knew well there was only one person who could speak to the toads, the one he had given the gift.

"Uzumaki Naruto, are you my summoner?" asked Gamabunta.

Jiraiya, who had pulled his jaw back up, let it drop even lower, if possible. It seemed Gamabunta knew and respected Naruto already, and Jiraiya had worked with him for years and Gamabunta still thought him as an ordinary pervert. It just wasn't fair!

"That's right Mr Boss Toad, but how do you know my name?"

"Naruto, it was I who gave you the ability to speak to toads when you were born."

"Really!? When?!"

"You just had the Kyuubi sealed into you, and I realised few people would accept you, so I gave you your ability. It is of course why you have summoned me so easily, besides your large chakra reserves, and also I see you have taken a toad as your animal partner."

"That's right! This is Gamasenshi!"

_"Pleased to meet you Boss Toad,"_ said Gamasenshi humbly.

"Gamasenshi eh? Toad Warrior, it fits. Gamasenshi, would you like to speak human?"

_"Yes Boss Toad!" _Gamasenshi said eagerly.

Gamabunta chuckled. "I'm sorry, Gamasenshi, but the only way for a non-summon to speak human is when they become exceptionally intelligent. You are nonetheless intelligent already, and I see you can understand human, so practise, and I assure you, you shall speak human in no time."

_"Oh...well, doesn't matter. Me and the Captain, we don't give up!"_

The gigantic toad blew some smoke out of his mouth. "Anyway, Naruto, I look forward to working with you in the future. I actually prefer you over the pervert over there."

Jiraiya was crying at this statement.

"Jiraiya, don't be such a wimp!" growled Gamabunta. "And before I go Naruto…if you can find a scroll of transformation, I will be able to teach you a few things. Jutsus, that is."

Gamabunta poofed away, and Naruto and Gamasenshi landed on…don't worry, Jiraiya was there to break the fall.

"Bloody hell! Get of me!"

"Hey, Ero-sensei! What did Mr Boss Toad mean by a transformation scroll?!"

Jiraiya raised himself and starting dusting himself off. "Gamabunta sucks donkey balls at the transformation jutsu. A transformation scroll allows you to transform without chakra control. With it, Gamabunta could adopt a human form and train you in some of the jutsus he knows."

"SWEET!"

* * *

Four shinobi, a bridge-builder, and a toad were walking down a road in the middle of nowhere.

Sakura and Kakashi were talking about Kages, and the six passed a puddle.

A puddle. Yes, nothing suspicious about it. What about it, eh? You think ninja are hiding in it?! You think it's some kind of genjutsu! Well, fuck off!

_"Puddle on a sunny day? That's quite suspicious, Captain,"_ croaked Gamasenshi.

Naruto spun around, to see two ninja jump out of the puddle and rip Kakashi to shreds.

Damn. Ignore the fuck off comment.

_"Captain!"_

Naruto who had frozen from shock and fear, snapped out of his haze. "Fire Release: Great Fireball Jutsu!"

The fireball didn't burn the two, as Naruto was unfamiliar on how the chakra was actually channelled, but it did blast the two into a tree, and Sasuke quickly pinned the chain to the tree with a few shuriken...before he decided to randomly punch them a couple of times.

Kakashi then hopped down from that very tree –revealing he had escaped using the Replacement Jutsu- and tied the two ninja to that tree, before he turned to Tazuna.

"These are Mist missing ninja. Tazuna, you have a lot of explaining to do…" said Kakashi, brushing away Sakura's anger that he had pretended to die.

Tazuna gulped as all eyes turned towards him.

* * *

An hour later, the lot were walking, yet on the alert now, after agreeing to the updated mission.

"Naruto, how did you learn that fire jutsu?" asked Sasuke.

"What? Oh right, Gamasenshi saw you use it against Kakashi-sensei when we were doing the bell test, and so he somehow was able to memorise the seals and teach them to me," said Naruto.

_"It's true you know,"_ said the toad in question, even though no one could understand him. _"I even accurately predicted chakra flow and amount of chakra."_

"Okay…moving on. Now everyone duck!" yelled Kakashi, as a huge sword came flying out of the trees at them.

Everyone ducked, apart from Naruto and Gamasenshi, who had to show off and hop (and yes, that's a toad hop) over the sword.

"There's a very good reason he has a sword that large! It's there to make up for something else!" yelled Naruto.

"Kakashi the Copy Ninja of the Sharingan Eye," said Zabuza appearing, ignoring Naruto's comment.. "I have heard all about-"

"Yeah, Momochi Zabuza, known as the Demon of the Mist, well I've got better things to do jackass, so get on with it," said Kakashi, lifting his headband up, revealing a blood red eye.

Naruto excitedly began commentating.

"Oh, there's a Water Clone! Another Water Clone! They're killing each other! More mist! More Water Clones! More killing! Shit! Kakashi's just been kicked in the ass!"

"This hurts way more than it looks!" screamed Kakashi, landing in the water.

"Oh and look, another Zabuza! And he's...trapped Kakashi in some Water thing. Crap. How the hell do we get him outta there?"

"Leg it!" yelled Kakashi. "He might not kill you if you get far away enough!"

"Kakashi-sensei, damn it, you're submerged in water. How the hell are you breathing?" said Naruto

"Magic," said Kakashi. "Just leg it...oh fuck, chakra getting real low...useless Sharingan."

Kakashi angrily poked the offending eye in question, before wincing from the pain.

Fortunately, the sight of Kakashi poking himself in the eye provided a big enough distraction for a Shadow Clone to free Kakashi, who then proceeded to maul Zabuza with a couple of Water Jutsus.

"I'll take him of your hands," said someone in a hunter's mask, chucking a couple of senbon into Zabuza's throat. Judging by the hair and voice, it could have been a girl, but it could have been one of those strange girly-boys.

Those girly-boys. They're creepy.

You wouldn't want to bump into one of them on a late night. Well, unless you were in a monster truck, and they were pedestrians. Or if you had a hockey mask and chainsaw, and they had...I don't know, muffins.

However, Kakashi collapsed from chakra exhaustion and all the poor toads had to carry the lazy jounin. By the weight of Kakashi, he either was a) eating more then Mr Akimichi, or b) wearing weights or c) both of them together.

* * *

"Crap! Damnit! In the name of Ai and Junko!" shouted Kakashi.

"Who are they?" asked Naruto.

"The names I gave to Rin's breasts when we were having sex, but that's not the point. Damn, I hope she hasn't renamed them...or did she die? I can never remember what happened to her..."

"What the heck?" said Sakura.

"How could I have been so stupid!?"

"Something wrong?" asked Naruto.

_"Looks like he's finally figured out his excuses suck,"_ croaked Gamasenshi, before his eyes narrowed. _"First him...and then that mutt...That mutt shall pay..."_

"I'm an idiot! Zabuza is alive!"

"Why does he do that?" wondered Sasuke. "Is it the Sharingan? I'm starting to think I don't want to activate my Sharingan. Maybe I can trick Itachi into eating a stick of dynamite carefully disguised as a stick of nitro-glycerine flavoured Pocky, and then throw a match down his throat. Or wait, if it went into his lungs, and then he tried to do a Fire Jutsu, he'd be screwed!"

"To think Zabuza is still alive!" yelled Kakashi.

"Don't yell in my house," said Tsunami, "accidentally" kicking Kakashi.

"That hunter ninja must have been a fake, an accomplice working for Zabuza!" said Naruto triumphantly.

"No!" yelled Kakashi. "That hunter nin must have been a fake, an accomplice working for Zabuza!"

"That's what I said, you old shit! Are you bloody deaf!?"

"Shut the fuck up and get out of my room!"

Naruto made sure to make an obscene hand gesture as he left the room.

"You little shit!"

"I really, **really** don't want to activate my Sharingan," said Sasuke, before wondering where he could find a stick of dynamite that would go the wrong way down someone's throat.


	4. Starting to Mature

Firstly, I rewrote the first three chapters, so if you haven't read them, do so, as there were some retcons.

Anyway...rejoice! I finally wrote the fourth chapter.

No real jokes here, I wanted to try a more serious chapter.

* * *

Chapter IV: Starting to Mature

"We have to go faster!" Naruto shouted.

_"Yelling at the air won't do much Captain!"_ Gamasenshi shouted from his perch on Naruto's head.

It had been a week now, and Kakashi had predicted Zabuza would have recovered by now. He had been training pretty hard with Gamasenshi the other day, and so the two had slept in. They had made sure to get back to the house this time, because the first time they slept rough in the woods, they'd found this weird girly-boy.

After discovering the rest of Team 7 and Tazuna had headed to the bridge, they had headed straight there- only to turn back when they noticed tracks heading back to the house, and had gone back to save Tazuna's family.

So, much much later, they were heading towards their bridge.

"We need to think of a super plan once we get there!" Naruto yelled over the rushing air."

_"...Er, Captain, sorry to burst your bubble, but shouldn't we think up the plan BEFORE WE GET THERE?!" _

"Damn, you're right," grumbled Naruto. "So, Zabuza will be there, and that fake hunter-nin guy. I'm guessing Kakashi-sensei will handle Zabuza."

_"So we have to handle the fake hunter-nin,"_ said Gamasenshi. _"Well, I suppose Sasuke will help."_

"But Sasuke doesn't do anything!" complained Naruto.

Gamasenshi shrugged as well as a toad could do when it was perched on a boy's head. _"Well, we'll have to find some use for him."_

"Well if he dies, we could use his corpse as a shield," said Naruto.

_"Now, that sounds like something a more intelligent, deductive Naruto would do,"_ said Gamasenshi.

"Are you saying I'm not intelligent or deductive?" demanded Naruto.

_"No, no, I was just saying a __**more**__ intelligent or deductive Naruto,"_ the toad croaked, trying to pacify Naruto.

Naruto glanced around at the forest. "We're nearly there...so what's the plan again?"

"...I don't remember that we made any."

"I've got it! Let's summon Bunta!" said Naruto, smacking his fist into his palm.

Gamasenshi irritably pulled on Naruto's hair in a way that was no doubt painful for the blonde. _"First thing Captain, don't insult the Boss Toad by calling him Bunta-"_

"Ero-sensei likes to call him Bunta," said Naruto defensively.

_"Yeah, and look at the way he turned out,"_ argued Gamasenshi. _"Besides, do you think the Boss Toad would be thrilled by being summoned to fight one tiny opponent."_

"Fair point," said Naruto. "Guess when we get back to Konoha, we'd better find a transformation scroll for Bunta."

_"Stop calling the Boss Toad that!" _

The two suddenly came to an abrupt halt. They were at the forest line, and the bridge was just in front of him. In the distance, they could make out patches of mist, but more importantly, Tazuna was alive, as was Sakura.

Kakashi was there, but neither could spot Zabuza.

'He's probably hiding in the mist,' they thought simultaneously.

But strangely enough, they could see some sort of ice prison, and for some reason, Sasuke was stuck in the middle of it.

"What the hell is he doing sitting there?" Naruto said.

_"What's up with all those needles stuck in him? Acupuncture?"_

"I suppose we'd better think of a plan," said Naruto. "No rush," he said, as the two began using stealth, getting on the bridge and hiding themselves.

They couldn't see what was happening, but the hunter-nin came out of the prison, sort of partially coming out of the walls, and Naruto instantly knew this was his chance.

He ducked out of his hiding spot and hurled several shuriken, catching the hunter-nin across the mask.

_"What do we do now?!"_ Gamasenshi croaked. _"Think quickly Captain!"_

"Er...I don't know, I make this up as I go along! I can't think of a damn plan!" Naruto sank back into his hiding spot, clutching his head.

He poked out to look at Sasuke, and somehow, senbon were hurtling at him from all directions.

_"Captain, think of something! Hurry, otherwise your team mates are gonna die!"_

"I know that!" hissed Naruto. "Damnit, I know!"

It was like Naruto's innocent world had broken. Gone was the jokes, the fun. Now it was time for Naruto to see if he truly was a shinobi.

"Why does your friend not aid you?"

Naruto could clearly hear the hunter-nin's voice.

"He's probably thinking up a plan right now," Sasuke's voice sounded.

"Or has he abandoned you?"

Naruto blocked out the voices, trying to think up a plan. But apart from just charging out, he couldn't think up anything. All his other plans, his reasonable voice would just point out the gaping flaws.

"I've got to summon Bunta!" said Naruto. "He'll know what to do!"

_"Captain, this your first major fight as a ninja! If you summon the Boss Toad now, you'll rely on him your entire life!"_

"...You're right."

Naruto stood up. "I'm an idiot."

_"I've been telling you that for years."_

"And I'll do things the way I've always done. Charge in like a cocky bastard."

_"No, wait, Captain-!"_

"Stay here!"

Naruto sprinted out of his hiding spot, heading towards the ice prison- and close up, he noticed it was actually ice mirrors- Gamasenshi croaking frantically after him.

His hands flicked through seals. He had no idea why Sasuke hadn't melted the ice mirros with his fire ninjutsu, but he'd try.

Several Shadow Clones popped into existence, all surrounding the ice mirrors. Zabuza was too distracted by Kakashi to notice, but Kakashi's eye had shot their way for a split second.

The Clones unleashed the Great Fireball Jutsu, but to their shock, the mirrors were unscathed.

"The hell...so that won't work," the real Naruto muttered, before shouting at Sasuke. "Hey! Do you have any idea how we're supposed to be melt these mirrors?"

"You attack one from the outside, and I'll attack from the inside! We should be able to get an idea of how these mirrors work!" Sasuke shouted back, his hand shakily drawing a kunai. "Ready?!"

"Ready!" yelled Naruto, drawing his own kunai.

"Go!" yelled the hunter-nin, Haku, unleashing a volley of senbon from all directions at Sasuke.

And to Naruto's shock, either Haku could make clones in those mirrors, or he was moving very, very fast.

And Sasuke was clearly standing no chance.

As soon as the volley ended, Naruto thought up a plan. "Sasuke, do you think you can just try and run for it! I'll cover you!"

"How?!"

"Look, when I say go, just run for it, and ignore the stray senbon, okay?"

"Fine," nodded Sasuke, shakily climbing to his feet.

Naruto formed one of his trademark seals, and created a crowd of Shadow Clones. "Now...go!"

The Clones flooded into the prison, and Haku responded, annihilating them far quicker then Naruto had anticipated. But Sasuke ran as fast as he could, pumping what chakra he had left into his feet for that extra boost.

The clones were defeated, and Sasuke was caught by a hail of senbon.

He outstretched his hand...outside the mirrors was just within an arm's length-

And as another senbon pierced his arm, he stopped, content to lie on his front, staring at the ground as sharp pain went through his body.

A hand suddenly grabbed his arm, pulling him forwards- pulling him outside.

"Anyone told you look like a hedgehog?" Naruto grinned as he finished pulling Sasuke out.

"Shut up dead-last," replied Sasuke.

"Naruto!" The blonde could hear Sakura. "You saved Sasuke!"

Naruto grinned, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. Sasuke grumbled. Something told him Naruto wouldn't let him forget this.

"You!"

It was Zabuza. Somehow, he had lost Kakashi. "I've had it with you!" The man charged forwards, his zanbato raised to kill both Naruto and Sasuke.

Sakura hurled a kunai at his exposed back, but the man batted it away without even glancing at her.

And suddenly Kakashi appeared in front of Zabuza, delivering a firm kick to his stomach, sending the man flying through the air backwards.

"Don't forget, your fight is with me," said Kakashi.

Zabuza scowled as he climbed to his feet, raising his zanbato again.

Kakashi turned to Naruto and Sasuke. "Good work so far. Finish the job. Take out Haku. I'll handle Zabuza."

"I'd like to see you try!" shouted Zabuza, hearing Kakashi's words, and the two charged each other, clashing in the middle of the bridge.

"Right, well..." Naruto straightened, and Gamasenshi hopped towards him, perching on his shoulder.

Sasuke stood as well, plucking out most of the senbon still piercing his skin.

The ice mirrors collapsed. Haku had clearly done it intentionally, having no more use for them.

Haku appeared in front of them, senbon in his hands. "I will not fail Zabuza-sama," said Haku solemly.

Naruto felt himself sink into a crouching stance, reminiscent of a toad. Sasuke fell into his own stance.

It was then the two saw it. This was it. Close quarters, fight to the death.

* * *

Haku shot forwards at the two.

Naruto jumped one way, Sasuke going the other to avoid Haku. Haku pivoted around, hurling his senbon at the two, before drawing some more in a flash.

Naruto twisted in mid-air, avoiding the senbon, whereas Sasuke merely batted it away with a kunai.

Naruto and Sasuke charged forwards, but Haku was still a fierce fighter. Somehow he managed to avoid the multitude of punches and kicks, and kicked Naruto in the chest, sending him to crash onto his back.

Sasuke was then suddenly thrown through the air, crashing into a pile of debris. From this blunt impact, and the numerous senbon that had been impaled in him, he didn't get back up again.

Naruto grumbled, before climbing to his feet, sinking into his stance again.

Haku attempted to impale the senbon into his chest, but Naruto ducked under it, falling to the ground.

He swung his left foot up at the side of Haku's torso, and Haku caught his leg. Naruto swung his right foot at the other side of Haku's torso, and Haku caught his other leg.

Naruto grinned, and hooked his feet around Haku, before using his arms to springboard the two of the ground.

The two span through the air, before Naruto twisted around, so Haku's head would meet the concrete.

And it did.

Haku groaned. The impact hadn't broken his neck, but it sure had hurt.

"Can we not do that again?" asked Gamasenshi. "It made me feel queasy."

"Fine, fine," said Naruto, looking at his toad.

Caught off guard, Naruto didn't expect Haku to blast forwards, and stab at his neck.

Neither did he expect Gamasenshi jump from his shoulder, to get impaled by the senbon instead.

The toad fell to the ground, leaving Naruto to stare at the toad's body in disbelief.

"This is the second comrade you've seen die today...today is a day for mourning for you, is it not?" said Haku.

"Second?! What-" Naruto's eyes flitted towards Sasuke, and he saw the Uchiha merely lie motionless.

Naruto turned around, only to see Kakashi very narrowly avoid being run through by Zabuza, but getting slashed all the same.

"You...you killed Gamasenshi...and Sasuke..." Naruto clenched his fists, staring at the ground, his body shaking. "And...if you had your way...the rest of us would be dead too."

"This must have been the first times for you to be introduced to the ninja world, and seen comrades die."

"I...I can't do anything for Gamasenshi and Sasuke now..."

"It is the inevitable fate of all that live, and is often premature for those who are ninja," said Haku.

"But...I can make sure one thing."

This perked Haku's curiosity. "What is that?"

"...That no one else will die!"

Naruto's head shot up, and Haku found himself staring into murderous red eyes.

Not the sorrowful eyes of a ninja mourning his comrades, but Haku could feel the hate, the bloodlust. Those eyes, they were not the eyes of a child.

They were the eyes...of a demon!

Haku was sent rocketing back as Naruto's fist shot into the fake hunter-nin's jaw.

A red aura appeared around Naruto, instantly blowing the mist away, the red chakra shooting into the air, forming the vague shape of a fox.

"Well, Zabuza it's been fun, but I'm afraid I'll have to end this," said Kakashi, giving the scroll a few unnecessary twirls after he wiped his blood on it.

Zabuza had created more mist, ignoring Naruto's chakra surge, putting it down to some flashy ninjutsu.

The missing-nin looked to respond in an insulting manner, but suddenly as the ground tore away underneath him, and he found himself being held in position by nine dogs, he realised how Kakashi was right.

"You know Zabuza, you don't seem to be fond of my Sharingan. So how about this? Instead of using it, some ninjutsu I've copied of some other ninja...I'll kill you with my own ninjutsu."

Kakashi flashed through three seals, before his hand began gathering chakra.

'What the- his chakra's even visible!' thought Zabuza, panicked.

"Raikiri!"

Kakashi looked up at Zabuza a last time. "As I've told you. Your future is death."

Naruto carried out a severe brutal combo on Haku.

Haku tried to draw more senbon, but Naruto grabbed Haku's hand, snapping one of the fingers out of its socket, before delivering a firm punch to Haku's stomach, and then a second.

A kick went into Haku's chin, sending the ice-wielder into the air.

Naruto shot into the air as well, gathering chakra in his own hand, before slamming it into Haku's face, letting the ninja crash to the ground.

The mask broke, and Naruto found himself staring at that weird girly-boy he and Gamasenshi had come across the other day.

Gamasenshi...

Thinking about his long-time companion was enough, and Naruto somehow broke out of his Kyuubi state.

"Why don't you strike? I' killed both your companion and teammate."

Naruto was silent, his mind still thinking of Gamasenshi.

"I have no need for life," said Haku. "Kill me, and be done with it."

Naruto slowly looked up into the feminine boy's face.

"I suppose then..." A kunai slipped into Naruto's hand. "Goodbye."

He impaled Haku in the stomach.

Haku suddenly tugged out the kunai. "No! Zabuza-sama needs me!"

And in a flash, Haku was gone.

Somehow, Naruto knew that would be the last time he'd see Haku alive.

Kakashi charged, his Raikiri tearing up the ground beneath them.

And he just as he was about to plunge the Raikiri into Zabuza's chest- Haku appeared in front of him.

Kakashi wasn't dissuaded, and went even faster.

His hand went through Haku- and just glanced off Zabuza's chest.

Naruto headed back towards Kakashi, passing Gamasenshi and Sasuke on the way. And to his shock, Zabuza was still alive, but fortunately, so was Kakashi.

And there was an army of thugs, all being lead by a short man who had just been kicking Haku's corpse.

"Kakashi-sensei, you got enough chakra to take these guys on?" Naruto asked.

"Doubt it. You?"

"No. And there's no point in asking the dying man to help us," said Naruto.

"What?" hissed Zabuza in anger.

"Look at yourself. You didn't say a damn thing about your own protege's corpse being kicked by some bastard."

Naruto couldn't care less for Haku, but in his own morals, thought it sick how Zabuza had no respect or loyalty to his own comrades.

Zabuza suddenly removed the bandages from around his mouth with his teeth, Kakashi having disabled his arms ages ago.

"Kid. Do me a favour. I want to borrow your kunai."

Naruto tossed a kunai at Zabuza- and the man caught it between shark-like teeth.

Kakashi and Naruto merely watched as Zabuza sprinted forwards, hacking his way through the crowd- and eventually-

"We'll be going to a place filled with demons, Gatou, but Haku's going to a way better place!" Zabuza roared from between his clenched teeth, before stabbing Gatou a last time, sending his body over the bridge.

Moments later, Zabuza was dead.

"An impressive ninja to the end," Kakashi murmured. "So, what do we do now?"

"We'll handle it!" A loud cry came from behind them, revealing the entire populace of the Wave village, from the old to the small, all armed with whatever they could find.

They were a sorry lot, but so were the late Gatou's mob.

With what was left of their chakra, Naruto and Kakashi made a group of Shadow Clones.

That was enough for the mob. They had been trained to terrorise helpless villagers, not ninja and armed villagers.

But Naruto's greatest surprise was yet to come, as he suddenly saw-

"Gamasenshi!" he cried, charging towards his toad, wrapping it up in a hug. "I thought you were dead!"

_"Well... I think I may need a trip to the vet's,"_ croaked Gamasenshi._ "There is this bigass wound still in me you know."_

"And Sasuke? Is he still alive?"

Gamasenshi nodded.

"Oh well, you're alive, and that sort of balances out him being alive," said Naruto.

* * *

Author's Note.

So, I updated. It's late October, 2008, and I last updated this fic the first of June 2007. Yeah.

What makes it ironic is that I wrote this entire chapter in the past hour and something.

 Anyway, there's no shortage of toad material for me, now is there? With all the emphasis on toads in the current manga, it's only a matter of time before Naruto the toad sage becomes an unoriginal plot for a fanfic.

I rejoice in knowing I was the first to use it.


	5. Prepared by the Perv

Finally, a new chapter for something.

* * *

Chapter V: Prepared by the Perv

Naruto tensed. His face and torso were glowing with sweat, which meant it was lucky he was just wearing an old vest instead of his favourite shirt.

His hands tightened. He readied himself-

And struck, a roar escaping his mouth.

Jiraiya easily brought his fist down on Naruto's head, sending the boy crashing down to the ground.

"Damnit!" Naruto yelled, one hand rubbing his forehead.

"Would you start thinking?" said Jiraiya, irritated. "You're a short kid, what do you think you'd have to do when you're going close-quarters with a tall opponent?"

The two were both in the Team 7 training area.

Naruto scowled, as Gamasenshi watched from a safe distance, noisily slurping down a pot of instant ramen as he watched.

"When will you learn?!" demanded Jiraiya. "You have to think for yourself here!"

"Come on, give me a break here!" said Naruto, still in pain.

"You're a ninja," said Jiraiya. "You need to follow your own intuition and think for yourself! If you don't think, you'll never last a second in actual battle!"

"Why can't you teach me some cool jutsu or something?"

"Because it's no good having a "cool jutsu" if you can't handle it!" growled Jiraiya. "This exercise is supposed to teach you something!"

"What?!"

"See! You're still not thinking!"

"Fine, it's to teach me how to think!"

"Wrong!" said Jiraiya. "I think you know how to think, even though you don't show it. This is about thinking under stressful circumstances- in a fight. If you can remain calm, you can remain strong. When they say shinobi should have no emotion and show no emotion- what they mean is that shinobi shouldn't be ruled by emotions!"

"Stop saying think-" Naruto was cut off as Jiraiya slammed his fist down onto his head again.

"You're small and fast- be agile. You're the sort of guy who can take a lot of hits- but still, it's something you should avoid. Use whatever advantage you can get."

"Right, keep attacks low then," said Naruto, as if mentally noting this.

"No." Jiraiya shook his head. "Once again, you're not thinking. You have to be unpredictable, and you don't what the opponent getting used to your attacks. That's where that taijutsu of yours comes into."

"It's fast and unpredictable," said Naruto, grinning.

"Right." Jiraiya smiled, pleased that his student was finally putting two and two together. "It's not the best taijutsu in the world- I know of a number of better ones, but the fact that you can do all those crazy twists and flips means your opponent never knows what's going to come next. It's still quite impressive, how a kid like you made that."

Gamasenshi looked up from his ramen, croaking angrily.

Jiraiya didn't need a translation from Naruto to understand the amphibian. "Right, a kid and toad."

"Can't you just teach me the way you fight?" asked Naruto. "We're kind of similar, we both fight with toads-"

"You can't just do that, Naruto," said Jiraiya. "We are similar in some aspects- but we're different in even more area. Physically, we're completely different. So for that reason, if you ever hear someone say they have mastered a taijutsu style that someone taught them, they're wrong."

"The only person who could've actually mastered it is the original creator, right?"

"Exactly," nodded Jiraiya. "People naturally change things to fit them. Even Sharingan users will change what they copy into something they can use more easily. But people in general don't like changing to fit whatever they've got. The most they ever do is when they get something that's too big for them and say "oh, I'll grow into it"."

"Right-"

"Well, you look all stressed out. I think I'd better help you unwind."

Naruto blinked. "I think I heard you wrong-"

"Come on, I'll take you to this bathhouse. It's in this town outside the village, but it's still close and I've made sure you won't get in trouble for going there."

Naruto sighed. "It's going to be a shared bathhouse, isn't it?"

"Er...maybe?"

"Well, what if it's full of old fat blokes? Or old fat women?"

"Ah, now that's where my handy timetable is!" said Jiraiya, taking out some paper from his pocket. "With several contacts of mine, I've discovered that the old blokes go to the bathhouse in the morning! The old women go there early afternoon! And the chicks show up just after the water is given its mid-day clean!" He inspected the timetable. "And come on! They should be getting in the water right now!"

* * *

"So, you're a ninja then, right?" asked the attractive brunette.

What had possessed Naruto to consider not going along with Jiraiya? Jiraiya wasn't even with him; he was in the furthest corner away from him in the spring, talking to a dark-haired girl that the other girls had pointed out as being "easy."

Gamasenshi had stayed outside; apparently you weren't allowed to bring "pets" in. And Naruto was currently with a brunette and redhead, both of which seemed very interested in shinobi and their lifestyles.

"Yeah, I'm still a genin," said Naruto. "But I've been entered up as a chuunin."

"Oh, when did you become a genin?" asked the redhead.

"Not even two months ago," replied Naruto.

"Wow!" said the brunette. "You must be a prodigy then, right?"

Naruto laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his head. "Well, I've been called the number one surprising ninja a bunch of times. So, well, enough about me, what do you two do?" He asked quickly, changing the subject.

"Hey, brat!" Jiraiya and his companion walked by, apparently leaving the springs. "I'll see you in a couple of hours!"

Naruto shook his head in disgust at the idea of Jiraiya getting some.

"Actually, ninja-kun, do you know any of those cool techniques?"

"A fair few," said Naruto.

"What are they?" asked the brunette.

"Well, I summon, use Shadow Clones, and I can use a Fire Technique."

"You really are a prodigy!" said the redhead.

"Er, well, not really, I suppose-"

"And humble too!"

"So, what about Konoha?" asked the brunette. "I've only been there once. Are there any secrets?"

"Wait, what?" said Naruto, suddenly suspicious.

"You know, like secret passages. I love adventuring in places like that."

'Secret passages? This sounds weird, better go...' Naruto decided in his head.

"Can't really think of anything like that- er, I need to go!" Naruto climbed out of the hot spring, a towel wrapped around his loins, but the girls followed, towels wrapped around them.

"Wait a moment!" They cried, latching onto him. "Why don't you come with us for a moment?"

Naruto's eyes nearly burst from their sockets.

And two smoke bombs suddenly flew through the air, past Naruto. The women were immersed in smoke- and as it cleared, it revealed it was sleeping gas, and the two lay asleep, their towels loosely wrapped around them.

Naruto's first instinct was to panic. His second was to wonder whether the towels might fall off. His third was wondering whether someone might be about to kidnap them.

"Calm down, brat." It was Jiraiya, who had miraculously gotten back into his clothes in a matter of moments.

"What the-!?"

"They were foreign ninja. They were interrogating you- and then they were going to kill you."

"What?" said Naruto, stunned.

Jiraiya kept his eyes on the sleeping women. "The girl from earlier was after my head. It's not the first time a kunoichi has used their looks to get past my guard."

"Wait, how did you figure out all that?"

"After I subdued the one from before, I checked their belongings they'd left in the changing room (Naruto muttered "pervert" at that point). I couldn't find any proof of their village of origin, but there were weapons, poisons, and messages instructing them to interrogate and kill Konoha ninja. I found Konoha headbands- apparently, we're not the first they've gone after."

Jiraiya turned away.

"Get dressed. Don't worry, I've contacted the authorities and ninja passing through the village, they'll handle them- and make sure old Sarutobi-sensei's notified about this."

* * *

Later that day saw Naruto and Jiraiya bonding over a lunch of ramen. They'd also proceeded to tie each other's feet to the stools so neither could run off and leave the other to pay the bill. Gamasenshi was there too, himself perched on the counter, head lowered over his own food.

"So brat, Kakashi's entered you up for the Chuunin Exams, right?" said Jiraiya.

Naruto nodded.

"What are your chances then?" asked Jiraiya. "You checked out the opposition yet?"

"Er, I know there are loads of teams entered from Konoha- and there's this one team from Sand."

_"They're really weird,"_ said Gamasenshi, looking up from his own ramen. _"Ain't that right, captain?"_

"Yeah- they're pretty weird," said Naruto, turning from toad to toad hermit.

"What about them?"

"We bumped into them the other day. One of them was trying to beat up Konohamaru-"

"Isn't that Sarutobi-sensei's grandson?" interrupted Jiraiya. "Heh, not too bright, these Suna-nin."

"Yeah, well, that one looked like a reject from a comic convention, and he carried this big bandaged thing on his back. There was this blonde girl with this bigass fan, and the weirdest creep was this sunken-eyed nutcase who kept threatening to kill his teammate."

"Yeesh," said Jiraiya, slurping down some noodles. "Sound worse than my old team, and we had Orochimaru in it."

"Who?"

Jiraiya was speechless for a few moments. "Seriously, you don't know?" He asked, and after Naruto shook his head, he was speechless again.

"Er, ero-sennin? You still alive?" asked Naruto, waving his hand in front of Jiraiya's face

The cursed title "ero-sennin" was enough to break Jiraiya out of it. "Stop it with that stupid ero-sennin! It's Jiraiya!"

"So, who is Orochimaru, anyway?" said Naruto.

"Old team mate of mine," said Jiraiya. "Once renowned as the Snake Sannin and one of the Leaf's finest, he turned traitor on us and is now doing god-knows-what. Most likely small boys."  
It was Naruto's turn to be speechless. "I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that last bit," he decided. "So, anyway, what about training?"

"I'm not teaching you any more ninjutsu until you've actually learnt to think-"

"Stop with all the thinking!"

"-and until you've got a decent grasp on your chakra control. Seriously kid, I've seen academy students in their first year with better chakra control then you."

"Well, yeah, but I've got a lot more chakra then them," grumbled Naruto, finishing his ramen.

"Hm. Maybe I should take you on a training trip somewhere after the exams. I know, to the Land of Earth! They've even stopped beheading boys with blonde hair and blue eyes!"

"What?"

"Their way of saying "things can only get better". Oh wait, now I remember. They've started stabbing their hearts instead."

_"What do they do to toads in this place?"_ asked Gamasenshi cautiously.

"Never mind, I'd find some way to disguise you," said Jiraiya cheerfully.

"Yeah, well, strangely enough, I'm not entirely keen on going to this place."

"Come on!" urged Jiraiya. "We could go to the village, and just shout "it's the ghost of the Yondaime Hokage", and they would all just be running for miles!"

"That's not even-"

"We could rob their empty houses they leave behind."

Naruto grinned. "Even their ramen stalls?"

"Especially their ramen stalls. And their bars."

"Then we have a deal!"

The two stood up triumphantly, kicking back their stools, only to fall over as they realised they'd forgotten they'd both tied the other's feet to their stool.

* * *

The next day saw the two (and a toad) meet once again at the Team 7 training ground. Except this time, Jiraiya was carrying an unusual scroll- not the one on his back, but a second in his hand, nowhere as large, but still quite sizeable.

"What's that, ero-sennin?"

"It's Jiraiya!" Jiraiya smacked Naruto into the ground, and waited for the blonde to pick himself out of the ground. "Remember what Bunta told you? It's a Transformation Scroll, it'll help him to take the form of a human so he can teach you!"

"Wait, he?" said Naruto. "You mean you're not going to-?"

"I'll supervise."

"Yeah, sure," mumbled Naruto, before he suddenly thought something. "Hang on a minute, how can a Transformation Technique work here? I mean, then, he'd be hit once and would turn back, wouldn't he-?"

"Alright, I lied before. But that was probably because you had just landed on me after Bunta disappeared and my head was hurting. You're heavy for a small kid, you know that?"

"Spit it out!"

"It's not an actual Transformation Jutsu. It's seals. Seals to shrink, compress- and actually change. It temporarily will actually give Bunta a real form. Well, being hit will still lower its duration quite a bit."

"Er, what does duration mean?"

"A period of time."

Jiraiya unravelled the scroll. He bit his thumb, and wiped the blood on the scroll. He twirled it- and his hands managed to flash through seals whilst holding the scroll, before he slammed it to the ground.

There was a human-sized cloud of smoke- and Naruto was greeted to the sight of Jiraiya standing on a man who was lying face down in the ground.

"Get your fat ass off me Jiraiya!" yelled the human who was undoubtedly Gamabunta.

'Hm,' thought Naruto. 'Better go with calling human-Gamabunta Bunta, it's probably more polite than saying human-Gamabunta. Right, Gamabunta equals big toad, Bunta equals human. I can do that.'

Jiraiya hopped off Bunta's back.

"Jeez, you need to go on a diet, you fat bastard!" Bunta climbed to his feet, letting the three look at his human shape.

He was clad in the haori he wore as a toad, as well as dark trousers. His chest was clearly visible, the "kimono-jacket" doing little to cover his torso. Unkempt black hair covered his scalp, and numerous seals and markings were painted across his skin.

And there was that scar over one eye, a sword at his belt, a stud on his tongue- and finally, the pipe.

_"Yo, Boss Toad! You look awesome, sir!"_ shouted Gamasenshi.

"Why, thank you," said Bunta cheerfully, smoking his pipe. "I do look quite good, don't I?"

"Damn toady," muttered Naruto, glaring at Gamasenshi.

"Well, see you, I'm going to get drunk," said Jiraiya, walking away.

"Jiraiya, get back here!" said Bunta. "You ain't going anywhere, got it?"

The Toad Hermit grumbled, walking over the log that both himself and Naruto had once been tied too. He leant against it, gesturing for Bunta to continue.

"Naruto, are you ready?!" Bunta growled. "Are you prepared?"

"Yes sir!" Naruto jumped to a salute.

"Good! We will then commence- the drinking to finalise our contract!"

"Eh? I thought you were going to train me!"

"Yeah- after the drink," said Bunta. "Jiraiya, fetch the booze!"

"Since when did I become the servant here?" grumbled Jiraiya. "I'm the Toad Hermit for God's sake, what do I have to get some respect?"

"Hey, Bunta, I'm not old enough to drink!" Naruto shouted.

"Did you just call me Bunta?"

* * *

Half an hour later, the group had finally stopped fighting long enough to start training. Or Naruto's training, at least.

"Naruto, this is one of my favourite techniques," said Bunta. "Behold- Water Release: Bullet Technique!"

Bunta pressed his hands together in a Tiger Seal, before he inhaled. And he spat out a sphere of water, blasting it across the area, until it smashed into a tree.

"Wow!" Naruto said, eyes wide. "How do I do that?!"

"Step one, keep hands in Tiger Seal."

Naruto did so. "Check!"

"Step two, inhale and keep the air in your lungs!"

Naruto managed to mumble "Check" as well as he could.

"Step three, begin swirling the saliva in your mouth!"

Naruto opened his mouth, eyes bulging. "What? Saliva?"

"Where else are you going to get the water from, idiot?" snapped Bunta.

Jiraiya lazily looked across the clearing, tipping back his sake. "This is so much more fun when it's someone else Naruto's annoying."

_"My mummy told me I was a pretty girl,"_ said Gamasenshi, having drunk a bit too much of Jiraiya's sake, and had forgotten that Jiraiya wouldn't understand him anyway._ "I hear it's amazing when the famous purple stuffed worm in flap-jaw space with the tuning fork does a raw blink on Hari-Kari rock. I need scissors! 61!"_

Naruto and Bunta both looked over, having heard and understood (using the word "understood" lightly) Gamasenshi's words.

"Well," said Naruto, looking back at Bunta. "That's about the most sense he's made all day."

* * *

Naruto blinked. "That's a lot of people."

Team 7 entered the hall, crammed to the pack with genin, each doing their best to look as menacing as possible.

And suddenly, they heard a cross between a squeal and a scream, and something blonde and purple assaulted Sasuke.

"Er, who is she?" asked Naruto.

"I don't know," said Sasuke, looking very irritated by the squealing girl latching onto him. "But I swear if her hands go any lower, I'll snap her wrists."

"Ino!" shrieked Sakura in anger.

Ino reluctantly dislodged herself from Sasuke, glaring at Sakura all the while. The rest of Team 10 arrived on the scene.

"Huh, so you guys got nominated as well," said Shikamaru dully. "How troublesome."

"Oh look, the idiots are here," said Naruto cheerfully.

"Little bastard," grumbled Shikamaru.

Chouji said nothing, content to eat his snacks.

"Well, looks like we're all here," said Kiba, as Team 8 arrived on the scene.

Akamaru's face twisted into a frown as the dog glared at Gamasenshi who responded in kind.

"You guys are here too?" said Shikamaru.

"So, all us rookies are here," said Kiba. "Wonder how far we'll get...eh, Sasuke?"

"Hn, confident?"

"We did a load of training," said Kiba. "We won't lose to you guys."

Naruto flipped the bird at Kiba. "Go to hell Kiba, Sasuke might lose, but there's no way you could beat me."

A grey-haired nin wearing glasses approached. "You guys- you should be more quiet. You're rookies, right? Screaming like schoolgirls- this isn't a picnic. I'm Kabuto- but have a look around."

The Rookie Nine looked around, seeing some very angry looking genin.

"Everyone's tense. Try not to cause a scene."

"Er, Kabuto-san," Sakura started. "Is this your second time taking the exam?"

"Seventh," replied Kabuto. "I haven't wasted my time though." He removed a pack of cards from a pouch. "Nin-info cards. They contain four years of data. Over two hundred cards. Any requests on anyone?"

"Yeah," said Sasuke. "Gaara from Suna and Rock Lee from Konoha."

"Gaara's a creepy guy, and Lee beat up Sasuke," Naruto added.

Kabuto removed two cards from his deck, dispelling the genjutsu on them to show Gaara and Lee. "Lee's a year older then you. He has impressive taijutsu, his sensei's Maito Gai. He was held back a year to train for the exam so he this is his first time."

"And Gaara?"

"Don't be so impatient. Gaara- I don't have much on him. But he's completed a B-rank mission- and it seems he completes all his missions without getting a single scratch on him."

Kabuto put his cards away, drawing up to full height.

"Many outstanding genin from the hidden villages are here to take the exam. Well, the Hidden Sound was created recently and is quite small, so we don't know much about them and their abilities- but the rest of the hidden villages are filled with talented genin."

"So, all the people here-" Sakura was cut off by Kabuto.

"Are the best genin the Elemental Countries have to offer."

Sakura glanced at Naruto. 'Wow, even someone as hyper as Naruto looks nervous- I'll better cheer him up.' She rested a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, Naruto, don't-"

Naruto suddenly jumped into a kabuki pose, Gamasenshi posing with him as he hopped onto the blonde's shoulder.

"Listen up, you morons!" Naruto started hopping on one foot to the right with one hand held in front of him outstretched. "I shall tell you my true identity!" He stopped hopping, changing his pose again. "I am the man who has no equal in the North, East, South and West, not even in the heavens! The blonde toad-tamer, hermit-in-training! Women fall over each other for my devastating good looks- even a crying baby would stare in awe at my power- the great Naruto!"

_"Croak! That's right!"_

For several minutes, there was a stunned silence.

And then a boy with very bad hair and a Sound headband started laughing. "That's the gayest thing I've ever seen!"

Naruto's eyes narrowed- and in a flash, he was standing in front of the boy, pulling him up by the front of his shirt. "What did you just say?"

"Let go of me you dumb fu-"

Naruto threw the guy into a wall. "My name is Uzumaki Naruto- remember it!" Naruto quickly added a few lines he'd heard on tv. "Pray that our paths do not cross- for I will cut you down." And for extra emphasis, he lowered his head so there was more shadow on his face and he raised his clenched fist.

Once again, there was silence, before the genin broke out into whispers.

"That guy is so cool!"

"He's the epitome of masculinity!"

"Wow, he's hot!"

"I wish I was him," said Gaara, much to the shock of his teammates. "I'll just have to settle for killing him instead." That didn't shock them.

"What the hell?" said Sakura to the rest of the Rookie 9 and Kabuto. "That's- that was- just really stupid! It's so stupid, even Naruto must have learnt it off someone even stupider!"

There was suddenly an explosion of smoke.

"Attention genin!" shouted a bandana-clad, scarred, gravelly voiced middle-aged man called Ibiki. "Welcome, to the first portion of the Chuunin Exam. I am Morino Ibiki, the proctor, and currently-" His eyes glinted as his mouth formed a vicious smile. "Your greatest enemy."

Naruto sat in a corner, drawing circles on the ground as tears fell down his face. "That entrance was way cooler than mine." He sobbed.

* * *

And yeah. That was what you waited for.

Ironically, I wrote this months ago and didn't bother to upload it at the time, so I guess I should've edited it more.

I know this chapter focused a bit too much on Naruto hanging out with Jiraiya, but the two are just so funny I can't resist.


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